So much has been written about depression, but not much is talked about. Maybe, because it will still take time for them to understand that depression is not madness. And so, they read about it, they write about it, and they keep their sessions with counsellors discreet from their close ones.
This post, however, is to help especially those who feel they are just perpetually sad people who never know how to unleash their wings of spontaneity and let loose.
Following is a list of rarely talked about feelings, that might actually be warning signs of depression.
1. When even tiniest of things don’t go as per you desires, you start to scream internally
You feel your head warming up from inside, and because they will name tag you as crazy, you let your anger consume you internally. You are irritable, fuming, and because of the inability to let it all out, you can feel the lump of a blocked cry in your throat.
Being short-tempered is one thing, being perpetually angry is totally another thing that needs attention.
2. You want to cry, but you can’t
Sometimes, tears flow out easily when the sound of a wailing goat makes you feel like you have had a head injury. Some other times, they keep you choked up (as mentioned in the above point) and keep you crying a river inside.
3. Your good days don’t let you feel good internally
Good days come and go just like the sad days. But depression, does not go in a jiffy. It stays and keeps you feeling blue, no matter just how awesome are the compliments that you are getting. And what pulls you down most is when people say, ‘everything is right on track in your life, what can possibly be worrying you.’
4. Success does not excite you
Success means nothing at all for you. In fact, more often than not, you dream of NOT becoming a successful professional. You just want to be happy and it does not matter if you are giving dance lessons to school kids all your life to earn your living, your ultimate life goal is happiness and only happiness. This is actually true for even those who are not exactly working themselves into depression, but those who are, they know what I mean to imply.
5. Your perception of reality remains heavily distorted
For others, it is only solid colours, and it is only right and wrong. But your life finds reasons in the hues that make solid colours. Your life finds reasons in the situations that lead to right and wrong.
6. You know it is important for you to discuss it out, yet you can’t
Every time you bite the bullet to let the sad lump run out of your throat, your hands start to shiver, your voice becomes heavy, you stammer, and it physically hurts.
7. And every time you think of getting help, you feel guilty
All those times when others tagged you as a weak, start to ring mayhem in your ears. You feel sad over the fact that you cannot come out of it on your own. But, dear ones, depression needs medical attention, and that does not make you a weak. It takes courage to seek help for something that is still a big fat taboo in this country. It takes courage to come out with it. You are actually strong. And I guess nobody told you that it is being strong for too long that gets you down.
8. You don’t have many friends, and, are losing on the current ones, despite knowing that you did nothing wrong to damage the bond
You feel isolated in the crowd of known ones, but when it comes down to making party plans, you are quieter than usual. Your idea of being happening is not partying till the daybreak, but it is not being lonely either. But since you are way too apprehensive about your friends’ reactions, you prefer to let it consume you, all alone, and start to distance yourself.
9. Things that were once your favourite, don’t excite you at all now
You don’t like to don the best of clothes that once were your favourite but instead, find pyjamas and loose T-shirts comforting for all events. No movies, no cheery hi(s) and bye(s), no books, no sitcoms, nothing gives you a happy heart. Nevertheless, for the things you love from your whole being; you might not be able to enjoy doing them now, but you miss them terribly.
10. You are constantly criticising yourself
Everything that falls apart in your life, directly or indirectly, becomes your fault in your head.
11. You feel a constant numbness in your brain, kind of drunk all the time
This feeling becomes all the more overwhelming when you have to go out alone. You are always way too conscious and anxious and double-check every activity to make sure it is done in the exact same manner as it would be by any other regular person.
You feel uncoordinated, keep colliding with furniture, can’t even pick up objects without first fidgeting with them to get a firm grip.
12. And only you understand how hard it is to force a smile
It almost feels like you are punishing your lips, every single time. And, every time you laugh, you wonder, “am I the only one to laugh at the funniest of things without actually feeling anything about it?”
13. For some, it never goes away. They have to live with it, Happily
This is not so much of a sign, but a reality. Depression is totally treatable, but for some of us, the hormones, the physiology, in general, keeps drawing us back to it. But as crazy as it may sound, you can use it to your benefit as well. The words, the strokes of a brush, the music notes, the dance moves, that come from a depressed heart, are creative at their best. These activities keep them motivated and happy.
Yes, a perpetually depressed person can be happy too.
Constant irritability, anger, loss of appetite, strange heaviness in head and lightness in gut, and all those times when you brought a blade closer to your wrist and then gave up on it thinking of your parents, are alarming signs that require you to seek help on an immediate basis.
In today’s fast-paced world, it is of utmost importance to let go off of the false beliefs that have kept our visions about depression, clouded. It is important because a high percentage of people who commit suicide in this world are engulfed in its whirlpool. It is important because some people who think of it as a taboo, abandon their suffering family members and leave them to struggle alone. And we cannot let the victims give up on their heartbeats simply because we were hostile to their feelings, can we?