The college life is a wild rollercoaster of events. New school, new semester, new friends, old friends, partying, professors, memory loss… Wait, memory loss?
That’s right. A common agreement within the college community is that drinking rocks, and while not entirely incorrect, it can have much more of an effect on the body than just contributing to the freshman 15 and embarrassing selfies. A study by USA Today uncovered that the caloric intake stemming from binge drinking can increase the body’s vulnerability to cognitive impairment or memory loss.
The nice folks over at Elite Daily put together a series of visuals to help us see the amount of calories consumed with our favorite drinks compared with all of our favorite foods.
Beer vs. Cheeseburgers: America’s Favorite Pastime
Ah, yes. The late-night breakfast of champions. Nothing says “college” more than consuming copious amounts of beer, piling into a cab, and making a drunken 2 AM burger run to the neighborhood McDonald’s. With the cheeseburger originating in Pasadena, California and the population consuming an average of 26 gallons of beer each per year, maybe there is a reason we don’t see California on the list of America’s healthiest states.
Champagne vs. Bread: The College Definition of “Dinner”
We have all been there. Broke, hungry, and in search of booze. Good thing that loaf of bread you bought for seemingly no reason last week hasn’t gone bad and your friend stopped by with a brand new bottle of champagne. Just keep in mind that you may want to cut back on the bread, because we all know you won’t on the champagne.
Hard Cider vs. Chocolate Doughnuts: A Hipster’s Worst Nightmare
“Maybe when you’re older you will understand why you don’t feel right, why you can’t sleep at night now.” – Win Butler, Arcade Fire
What was going through the mind of Mr. Butler when we was putting together the song, “Modern Man”? Perhaps he is referencing an existential crisis of a “modern” man’s monotonous life. Perhaps Mr. Butler is attempting to warn his fans about the possible health implications associated with heavily consuming hard cider and biking to the donut shop.
Captain Morgan vs. Pizza: The Sad Death Of Pop Punk
Remember freshman year in college when you heard that song about eating pizza with your friends while raiding your parents’ liquor cabinet? What song was that again? Oh yeah, every current pop punk song. Perhaps science can find a way to fuse rum and pizza into one superfood so we can all get back to being sad with our friends – minus the dangerous amount of calories.
Red Wine vs. Chocolate Chip Cookies: Movie Night Is Ruined!
You may want to think again before making your routine trip to the grocery store to grab snacks for movie night — it may be worth it to hold off on the usual wine and cookie combination. Comparing the caloric intake of these two items can seriously ruin your plans. If an entire bottle of wine is equal to three-and-a-half cookies, maybe it will be best to get two bottles of wine instead. Shrek 2 is supposed to make me cry right?
Piña Coladas vs. Chocolate Bars: No, Mom, You Can’t Have Both
Ironically enough, while drinking four piña coladas or eating six Hershey’s Milk Chocolate Bars can result in “a great night,” these two activities have a completely different effects on the human body. Studies have shown that chocolate — in moderation — can help repair damages caused by high levels of hypertension. Sorry, chocolate piña coladas don’t count.
AMFs vs. Ice Cream Cones: The “Choose Your Own Adventure” Book of Life
This is perhaps the toughest decision within this entire article. Do you want to have a good time and feel really sick? Go with the ice cream option. Do you want to do just that while simultaneously keeping your record of terrible decisions? Look no further, AMFs have arrived. Honestly, AMFs are great, but anytime the amount of ice cream trumps the amount of another item that can be consumed, ice cream wins every time.
Vodka Cranberries vs. Sushi: Wait — Can I Not Have Both?
If Japanese cuisine and hard Russian alcohol have anything in common, it is the fact that they are both delicious. However, you may want to keep being “drunk” and being “sushi drunk” separated. Spending all night at your local endless sushi bar could result in some serious health risks for all parties involved. I suggest drinking the vodka cranberries and continuing to just post photos of the sushi on Instagram.
At the end of the day, it may be best to cut back on the “heart-attack” foods before you hit the town on an upcoming weekend. Just remember, all things are okay in moderation. Yes, even AMFs.