When I hear people talk about divorce, I often have somewhat mixed feelings on the entire matter. Of course, divorce is a painful experience; however, more often than not it is mentioned not as an experience but rather as an end of the line, like the terminal station of a broken and failed life. It is always sad to see people that are still full of life stay so firmly in the past and write off their future.
A good friend of mine got divorced two years ago. I witnessed the entire process of this vicious disease, so to speak. I saw how his marriage was slowly but steadily turning into a living hell. I saw how he was getting more and more reluctant to even mention his wife. I also saw how unpleasant (to say the least) the legal battle that ensued was.
For a long time, my friend was in the throes of a mother of all depressions. He felt the way most people feel after a divorce: that his life was ruined and could never be the same again. He felt that something went badly off-track, and he would never be able to get all the pieces back together.
However, about half a year later something clicked. My friend stopped talking about his failed marriage and started showing new interest in life. Ar first, he dedicated all possible attention to work, in order to occupy all the free time he suddenly had. Then he slowly got more comfortable in other areas of life as well. When I saw him a year after the divorce, he told me, rather musingly, that he was glad things went the way they did. Sometimes a divorce is just another step in your life, that may lead to bigger and better things.
Yes, it was painful at the moment, but sometimes you have to cut off a diseased limb lest the entire body gets infected. Actually, he was glad. Now, I wouldn’t go as far as to say he was “happy”, but he followed through with it when he did. When compared with the possibility of spending all this time in a marriage that would have deteriorated even more, suffering through a short burst of pain was certainly a better alternative.
So, why am I talking about all of this? Perhaps it’s to demonstrate; yet another time, a rather hackneyed yet still relevant maxim: things are what we make them to be. Even if right now divorce seems to be the end of the line for you, you should never think of it that way. After all, sometimes a divorce is a much better alternative than years upon years spent in the atmosphere of mutual hatred and resentment.
Bad things happen, and you can do nothing about it, but divorce is just one of many bad things that we encounter throughout our lives. We should treat it just like all the other bad things. That is to say, learn the lesson they teach us, move on, and do our best not to repeat the same mistakes twice. As long as you remain true to yourself, don’t hold grudges, and don’t allow the past to determine your present and your future, a divorce cannot beat you down. That is, if you don’t allow it to do so.
Holocaust survivor Viktor Frankl said in one of his books that the only thing we have full control of is our attitude in any given set of circumstances. In comparison with what a man must have endured through Nazi concentration camps, such a thing as divorce looks more than bearable.
Hopefully, you found this article useful for you.